The first line in the book "The Road Less Travelled" is Life is not easy.  While, in theory, I know that to be true actually living the reality of that statement gets a bit overwhelming.  I'll give you some information about myself so that you can conjure up a mental image of me.  On paper, I'm a 51 year old woman, but in my head I'm 25 year old girl. I am divorced and have two teenagers. A son, 17 1/2 and a daughter 15 1/2.  Those three things alone have prompted me to start this blog.  I can't be the only one out there who has a very complicated life, am I?

Firstly, I went to sleep at 25 and woke up 51. How the hell did that happen? I don't know where 26 years have gone? I didn't get it then when my grandparents would say life goes by like a blink of an eye.  I get it now!  But in those 26 years what have I really accomplished? Where those years meaningful? If I were to leave the planet tomorrow would I feel like my life meant something? I think, yes I said think which means I'm not sure, my answer would be no. Why, you ask? Putting my thinking cap on I believe there are a whole host of reasons.  But I'll start at the beginning.

 I was molested as a child by my step-Grandfather.  There was no penetration just, and I don't use the word JUST lightly, fondling.  I didn't realize how much that messed me up until I was in my twenties.  Starting in high school I was a crazy, party girl (and sadly, still am. But I will get into that at a different time).  I dabbled in drugs, never really liked cocaine or pills but did smoke my fair share of weed (see how hip I am....weed not pot:).  And was most defintley a drinker.  In college I learned the party started on Thursday night and didn't end until Monday morning.  Unfortunately, I still have the same attitude.  In my defense though I did lighten up for 15 years during my marriage.  But when that was over, thank God (again, another story for another time), I resumed my party schedule like I never missed a beat. It's strange how you can take the girl out of the party but you can't take the party out of the girl. Anyway, in my late twenties it was suggested by a boyfriend that I go get help. I joined a sexual abuse therapy group.  Initially there were  9 members. Listening to those women open up about their sexual abuse was beyond heartbreaking.  Seeing such pain in another human beings face is almost unbearable. So many of their experiences were so much more intense than mine. I honestly couldn't believe the abuse the perpetrators had done to those young girls.  They were monsters.  Anyway, I spent three years with this group.  It was quite intense.  I like to say it was the best and the worst  three years of my life.   The best because once purging the secret I was no longer carrying the ball and chain with me. I was free for the first time.  The worst because to unload that baggage was extremely painful.  In retrospect it took all of the courage I could muster to cut the cord so to speak.  There were nights I'd leave the group with my head litterally spinning and quite frankly I shouldn't have been behind the wheel of my car.  Purging that shit was mind numbing but awesome at the same time. Being in that group gave me an interesting perspective on life. A much different perspective than most people I've come in contact with.  Facing your fear propels you to another level. I became self-actualized but found that was difficult because I wasn't on the same playing field with most others. I still feel that way.  Anyway, knowing that will help you understand my future blogs.

So that's the first glimpse into who I am.  I'm gonna be writing my blog when I have time. Ultimately, I'll get through all of the parts of me and will be writing my daily perspective of my life. But in order to get there I think it's important for you to know who I am and how I got to my present place in life.
Stay tuned....bye for now...